The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
