i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I need water and some morals
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
