i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
