Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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