NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
