I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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