the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
