what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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