I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
