Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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