last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
