apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
