I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
