You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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