the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
