My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
