Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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