chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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