Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
