He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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