question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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