i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
