Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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