Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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