He had one of those small greek statue penises
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
