she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
