Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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