why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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