he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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