hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
