I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
