I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
