the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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