I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Come on in and take your pants off
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