all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
