Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
