My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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