His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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