WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
