allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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