Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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