I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
