Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
