Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
