Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
