does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
