I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
