you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
