3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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