Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
